ISBN: 031235598-X
Summary: This book addresses the emotional and financial relationship hurdles found between a nanny and a mother, with or without a father in the picture.
She paints a lovely picture of what having a nanny can be like, and being the type of person that nannying for is a good thing... Eggs in the morning, pajama pants and chill vibes before starting to work, a solid team kind of idea. And then ruefully admits that it's almost impossible to make that a reality, despite best intentions.
I enjoyed her candor ......
.....about all of the emotional tumult she was feeling with having another person take care of her previous children, on nannies coming and going, and on the power dynamic each individual relationship featured.
I was really excited to read this book, as getting a nanny seems to be one of the more cost effective ways of child care, here in Vancouver. (woah, things have changed, hey). The whole idea seemed a bit over the top, but when group licensed child care seems to start at $1300 and go up from there, paying an extra few hundred to ensure your child has marked less sick days seems like it would be worth investigating, at least.
She also included some of the top "pet peeves" of nannies, which was really fascinating. Never say or do the following:
"You are part of the family!" --> This works for an au pair, but not a nanny. A nanny has her own family, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, that you probably have never met and don't want to. Your family is not "better" to be in than hers, just because you are paying her.
"Here are some of my hand me downs" ---> Again, a pride thing. Just because you are a struggling single mom empathetic to those you feel may be worse off than you, doesn't mean that she wants your cast-offs. It invokes the "my garbage is your treasure" class struggle, and devalues your nanny from "paid working person" to "charity case". Often, they will take it to not offend you, chuck it to not offend themselves, and then feel horrible about it the whole next day. Just don't do it.
Controversially, things you can do to stay on a nanny's good side are respecting their time.. If you say you'll be home at a certain time, do so. Pay them as agreed upon, and compliment them when they do good work. Christmas gifts can't hurt. Pretty common sense things.
One thing that would NEVER have occurred to me to discuss with a potential nanny.... keeping family details about your life to herself. Turns out this is often how nannies amuse themselves at the park, by sharing family gossip. Surprisingly few nannies actually liked their employers; they loved the kids, but resented the employers for "not paying enough" or asserting the power dynamic employer/employee.
Jessika goes on to talk about the difference between "Au Pairs" and "Nannies" (one is a travelling young person who babysits, and the other's sole job is childcare), and specifies a few great questions for possible sitters.
Conflict often arose over expectations (What are you doing when my baby is napping? TV or more work?); sick and vacation days(paid or unpaid?); payment (over the table or under the table); and confusion over when a nanny is an employee versus a self-employed person with you as her client.
I found this book to be useful, and a small window into the intricacies and rewards of hiring a nanny, and would recommend buying it via the link to amazon.ca provided. (Scroll over the book).
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