Well, it looks like I'm getting off the single parent by choice bus.
I've recently received news from my doctor that I have a laundry list of things wrong with me, and though she's not 'ruling it completely out with IVF', I'm going to have a really expensive road there. They had found a three inch lump on a previous monitoring scan for the PCOS, and had me in for an MRI.
On the MRI, they discovered I had adenomyosis, endometriosis, and fibroids in my uterus.
Add that to my PCOS and already being in my thirties? Even I know when to stop beating my head against the wall and hoping for different results.
I'm going to have to process this in steps. The first step for me, is science. I'm going to take a look at each of these things wrong with me, and figure out exactly what goes on.
So. Adenomyosis. This does the following...
- Doubles or triples my chances of miscarriage in the second or third trimesters. Basically, the uterus muscle cells, over time, continue to lose their ability to stretch and contract with the growth of a fetus. The homey bits where the egg implants bonds with the muscle layer of the uterus. When a conception occurs, the uterus can only stretch so far before it can no longer hold the pregnancy, and spontaneous miscarriage occurs.
- Causes hormonal and chemical imbalances that can slow down or deny sperm travel into the fallopian tubes, and change the vascularization of the uterus. Increase estrogen causes increase PGE2, which then causes difficulty in implantation as well.
- Immunological attacks against the fetus. Even after successful implantation, the embryo may still be attacked by immune surveillance and T cells of the body. This causes all around inflammation, resulting in early miscarriage.
The clinical pregnancy rate (22.2% versus 47.2%) and ongoing pregnancy rate (11.1% versus 45.9%) were significantly lower in women with adenomyosis and the miscarriage rate (50.0% versus 2.8%) was significantly higher in women with adenomyosis
So, for the rest of us, only one in five women with adenomyosis (and no other problems) got a BFP; of those women, half of them miscarried. So that`s only a one in ten chance per IVF cycle for a live baby.
ONE IN TEN. *goes off to scream in a pillow* Without any other problems. *keeps screaming*
Add Endometriosis to that mix. It does the following:
- That endometriosis muscle layer of the uterus... when it was pushed out of place by above, started to bond with other organs in the abdominal cavity. Obviously, other organs don't like my uterus being so huggy, and this triggers autoimmune general inflammation of everything around it. This is the number one cause of infertility in women. (50%). Without help, my monthly chances of becoming pregnant without help? Only 3%.
Treatment? There is a laproscopic procedure that can double your chances from 17% (with fert drugs) to 28% (with fertility drugs). IVF is recommended, (if you don't have cocurrent conditions like me).
Add fibroids in the uterus.
I don't know where exactly my fibroids are located, but these can also impair fertility by(depending on location)
- Blocking fallopian tubes
- Changing the positioning and health of the baby during the pregnancy.
- Prevent sperm and egg from meeting
Check out this study on the different types of fibroids, and if taking them out is likely to improve your chances.
Now, if I had all the money in the world, I would absolutely still be trying at this. But I don't.
I'm going to have to grieve this, it's not really Real yet, you know? I was so happy that I didn't have cancer (original suspected reason for the MRI), and I even feel a bit guilty for being sad. It's just so.. big. I always pictured myself with kids, with a family, with someone to nurture and love and teach the family traditions and holidays and be there for. And now? Now.
I'm going to be MIA for a bit I think, before I even think of adoption as an alternative. I really need to accept this deep down before I try anything else.
Best of luck on all your fertility journeys.
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